I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Randomize
