So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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