Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
my poor anus
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
