Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
