Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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