dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
