My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
