I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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