Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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