How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
be right there i have to get my cape
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
