yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
