Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize