great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My penis needs a shock collar
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Randomize
