College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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