Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
