We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
