O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
