in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
not ubering you a puppy
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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