i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
