Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
