Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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