holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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