Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
