we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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