super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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