I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
