Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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