I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
