I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
