I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
