I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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