i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
