guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
