life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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