I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
