Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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