I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
