that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
