just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
