Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
