Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
