If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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