Fine. I'll sleep in my office
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
