do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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