I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
