so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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