My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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