Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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