I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize