I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
