I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You've changed since you got that strap on
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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