it wasn't lemon gatorade
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
