She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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