i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize