careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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