Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
