you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
