Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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