I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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