but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
