We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
