Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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