last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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