i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
