I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
