I just pynch a tree in the face
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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